A chuckle on a lazy saturday afternoon

I read a page of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" and found a few of them to be particularly humorous. They're not real, which is unfortunate, as I would have liked to have met the teens who think like this...

1. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

2. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

3. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

4. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The full list.